Return of the Curmudgeon, with Bagel

I have come to hate perkiness.  Not the wholesomely sweet 17-year-old at the counter, but the perkiness that surrounds her like a cloud of Sweet and Low.  Visiting Panera's has become an ordeal.

"Welcome-to-Panera's-would-you-like-to-join-our-rewards-club?"  Big perky grin.

"Just a whole wheat bagel, toasted, and coffee, please." Big grumpy-but-unavailing scowl.

"But it's free. All you have to do is [waive all your privacy rights forever]..."

"No thanks, just the bagel and coffee."

(Bagel is toasting.)

"Could I have a cup so I can get my coffee while you're toasting?"

"Sure! Would-you-like-to-join-our-rewards-club?"

"No thanks, just the coffee cup."

"But it's free..."

"Coffee cup.  Please."  I scowl as hard as I can.  My face begins to hurt. Disappointment cuts through the perkiness and I am sad.

[Ping!]  My bagel is ready, and I am happy again.

"Here-you-go-sir-are-you-sure-you-don't-want-a-rewards-card-with-that?"

A-a-r-r-g-h!

Newt