Florida has nothing if not critters. Alligators, of course - splashy, fun and pretty good diced, battered and fried. I wasn't in the state but a short time before I fetched up against the Palmetto Bug crisis of 2009. Like any self-respecting Northerner, I took this personally.
Then came the wretched armadillos. I'm not even getting into the love-bugs fornicating on the grille of my Honda because by now I am a resigned Southerner. But of late there has descended upon Castle Newton a plague of rodents the likes of which has not been seen since the Middle Ages. I check myself daily for buboes.
It's not just the mouse, for what man's hickory-dickery castle has not had the odd mouse lurking? A chocolate-shot-looking turd here; another there. I set one of those fancy plastic better-mousetraps that promises to shield your sensitive eye from the putative corpse-to-be. The mouse left it baitless and forlorn three consecutive nights. Four bucks wasted. Not to mention several dollops of peanut butter. Conventional traps, HAH! I even filed down the trigger on one of those spring traps so it fired off if I so much as farted in the general vicinity. No mouse. No peanut butter either.
Glue traps? Forget it. My exterminator-- yeah, Floridians have exterminators like Northerners have snow shovels -- gave me a big commercial glue trap, which stunk like hell and trapped only a thick carpet of those tiny winged no-see-um gnats that are the state bird of Florida. I folded another glue trap into a hollow box-like affair (insert Tab A into Slot B) with the glue inside, and I slathered it with yet more peanut butter. The Skippy folks have sent me a nice thank-you note. My mouse crapped on top of the box.
Last week, something started gnawing on my air conditioning duct. It only comes out at night. Could be a rat or a possum or an overachieving chipmunk. I tucked three large traps -- one dangerous looking spring-loaded affair and two big glue traps -- into my duct-work. That was three days ago. The peanut butter/cheese bait has gone bad.
And I have already whined enough about the squirrels. Today I bought a medium Hav-a-Hart contraption, baited it with breakfast cereal (shredded wheat, miniatures, unsweetened) and set it out under the oak tree. Screw the peanut butter; the critters don't care a whit about peanut butter. I sent the note back to Skippy.
I keep sneaking over to the window to peek under the oak tree.
Newt
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You’ve done your darndest there Officer Dibble, but this sounds like a job for Topcat... and while you’re at the animal shelter you might as well pick up Benny the Ball, and the rest of the gang.
ReplyDeleteI don't see why wildlife can't stay in zoos and pet stores like God intended.
ReplyDeleteI keep tellin' ya, Ev, ya need a cat. Bear is outside right now ridding my back card of all sorts of varmints, including the three year old next door.
ReplyDeleteI can see that you have never lived in a trailer park - uh - mobile home community, surrounded by cranky little old ladies who live in fear of cat fur on their peonies. I don't exactly know what a peony is, but you get the idea. Around here a cat IS a varmint.
ReplyDeleteWhat was that again?! Little old ladies who pee on cat fur? Oh, cat fur on their peonies. Those little old ladies would LOVE Bear. He's very sociable and thinks little old ladies are as cute as he is.
ReplyDeleteI have discovered over the past couple of days that a Hav-a-Heart trap loaded up with peanut butter is irresistible to squirrels. So part of the problem is solved. So far, two of the little darlings have been relocated. And you don't need to worry about the traps catching fleas. Or rubbing against the peonies.
ReplyDeleteTwo of the little darlings meaning the little old ladies or the squirrels? I heard little old ladies like peanut butter too.
ReplyDeleteOh, we don't relocate the LOLs. We just take away their drivers' licenses and send them off to the nearest Bingo game.
ReplyDeleteHaven't you heard Newt, the next "plague" coming at us is bed bugs. Yep, bed bugs. Heard on the radio this morning.
ReplyDeleteWonder if they like peanut butter?
BTW, squirrels like peanuts, acorns, and raw veggies like corn & carrots, at least the ones living in the oak tree next door to me say they do.
ReplyDeleteitsmecissy: thanks for the comments, which Blogger has taken upon itself to delete during its recent implosion.
ReplyDeleteIn any event, the three squirrels from my oak tree no longer like peanut butter. Or anything else. Oh, and I got the mouse in my ductwork; I'm having him stuffed and mounted. I assume I've just lost the PETA folks, but the world has too many squirrels and mice. Or at least it did.