Hold the Green Stuff

A close family member who shall remain nameless is a dedicated fan of Hooters - the restaurant, that is. He says they make great wings. Apparently he has not noticed that the winsome lasses who serve the wings wear very little in the way of clothing. He and his darling and longsuffering bride brought us to Hooters during our recent visit to Connecticut and, by Jesus, the wings were good!

Hooters Girls are a curious breed. I'm pretty sure they are all freshly minted in the back room before each shift, faces and uniforms sprayed on using the signature Hooters template. A few ounces of paint go a long way. The effect is like grinning Stepford wives with cleavage. Lots of cleavage.

When you order Hooters' Tater Tots appetizer . . . yeah, I know, but just ASSUME you were to order Tater Tots . . . they arrive garnished with slices of green onion. Personally, I like green onions, but my host for the night eschews vegetables in any form. Especially if they are crunchy. (This has been true since he was a little boy.) So he always asks for his Tater Tots with no onions. The problem is Tater Tots don't come with green onions. Right there on the menu, if you look closely, it says Tater Tots are garnished with chives. There's a picture.

But my host has been here before and he knows his green onions.So he orders his Tater Tots without green onions.

"I'm sorry, sir, they don't come with green onions. They come with chives."

"But I've had them before, and those are green onions. I don't like green stuff."

"Oh, no, sir. See the picture? Those are chives."

Wait for it - - -

"You'll have to have your Tater Tots without chives."

Since then, my host has compromised on "no green stuff," adroitly sidestepping the chive debate. If it were me, I'd stick to my guns just for the entertainment value. The Tater Tots were pretty good, by the way.

But they need chives.

Newt